That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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