is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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