I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
