So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
