I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
