apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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