next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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