I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
