I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
