started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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