I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
