Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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