Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
