i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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