All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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