you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
