she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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