I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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