i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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