you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
