thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize