Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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