time to smoke my breakfast
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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