I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
