my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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