So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize