Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
