I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
