So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
