He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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