Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
