Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
