Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
