the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize