Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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