Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
