Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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