i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
