She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
