I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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