no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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