There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
