Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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