Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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