I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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