just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
