I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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