His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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