I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
