Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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