I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
