Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
