New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
