Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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