Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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