im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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