His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
