I am puke
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
