He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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