Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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