I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
