Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize