You really coming over, don't trick.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
