Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
