At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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