oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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