So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
