don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
