So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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