Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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