Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
