I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
